I wrecked the Chicken!

I watch entirely too much food network and cooking channel. I admit that I love all things having to do with food and I especially enjoy trying to make new things. I am experimenting with different methods, fresh herbs and combinations just about every day that I feel up to it. Last night, I made lemon chicken. Or maybe we should call it Pucker-up chicken. It should have been delicious in theory, but somewhere along the way it went very wrong. We ate it but I think it was just because it smelled so good while cooking and looked amazing.

Heather's Very Bad Recipe for Lemon Chicken

First, preheat the oven to 200 degrees. This is to keep the chicken warm and happy while it's waiting to be thrown into the Sauce of Doom.

Next, waste about an hour prepping your meat, mincing your garlic and onions, zesting and slicing the lemon, and roughly chopping the fresh parsley. While you are doing this, you must dirty 2 knives, 2 cutting boards, your grater, your meat mallet, a dish for the chicken, and small dishes for your ingredients. This makes it look like you are a professional chef who knows what they are doing. The array of dishes looks really cool on your counter with all the ingredients in them.

Make sure you take the time to remove any fat and large veins from your chicken breasts. Then pound them thinly on both sides, salt and pepper and dredge in all purpose flour. brown them carefully on both sides in a little oil in a good sized skillet. I prefer stainless steel for this step because I actually like them to get good and golden and leave little bits behind in the pan. This would usually help make the sauce extra tasty. My chicken looked and smelled fabulous at this point. I was being so careful to keep my temperature from getting to hot and I could tell the chicken pieces were going to be so tender and yummy. My mouth was watering. My family complimented me on the delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. I was rocking the whole cooking thing. Rachel Ray better watch out.

Continue browning the chicken on both sides and removing the pieces to the warm plate in the oven. Don't worry if they aren't cooked all the way. The fabulous sauce will help them finish cooking. When you are all done carefully browning your chicken, remove the pan from the heat to give it time to cool a bit then add in onions and stir well with a wooden spoon to loosen the browned bits, let them cook a minute or two and then add in your garlic. Don't add the garlic too soon or it will burn and ruin your sauce. It's too early to ruin the sauce yet. That step comes later. Patience.

Next add in a bit of white wine and give the pan a really good scraping with your wooden spoon. Inhale the wonderful aroma! Let this reduce and then add about a cup of good quality chicken stock and your parsely. Let this reduce again because you still have that delicious lemon zest and sliced lemons to add in. Those are your secret ingredient and will send this dish from pretty damned yummy straight to gourmet (at least that is the plan). Add in your lemon zest and sliced lemons and wait a few more minutes to add in the chicken. Revel in the beauty of the thickening sauce and wipe the drool from your chin. Pat yourself on the back, it's almost done!

While the chicken gently simmers and takes on the flavor of the sauce while lending it's chickeny goodness to the mixture, take the time to finish up the angel hair pasta and alfredo sauce and sauteed broccoli. Add a pat of butter to your chicken to help the sauce gain more creaminess and body.

Oh and don't forget, a good chef always tastes their dish before they serve it. Slice a tiny piece of chicken and pop it in your mouth and prepare to be...

SURPRISE!

Let the panic set in as you realize that something has gone horribly wrong. The sauce is tangy to the point of almost bitterness. It has richness, it looks wonderful, the smell is intoxicatingly lovely, but there is WAYYYY too much lemon it.

This is the part where you add salt, sugar, pepper, anything to balance it but nothing works. it gets better but never becomes the amazing sauce you thought you were making and since it's late due to your extra effort and attention to detail and because perfection takes time, your family is now gathered around the table, waiting.

So what do you do? You put a smile on your face and serve it as if it's the best thing they will ever taste, then laugh your ass off when they are pucker up and say. "Um...wow, Mom/Dear, this chicken is...different."