Yes, we're moving

I'm starting to dread moving again. I am so sick of the internal pep talk I have with myself every single day.

"You'll get to see David more."
Oh Great! I will have a husband to cater to as well as my 4 kids.
"You will get to go to church as a family."
Nice, perhaps the church won't implode as soon as I step foot in it. My older kids are borderline out of control and my younger kids never get out of the house and will most likely throw a fit as soon as they go to the nursery. That'll be fun.
"You'll be closer to the ocean."
Yeah, well we lived 3 hours from the coast for 2 years and still never made it.

I KNOW that these negative thoughts don't do me any favors but I am just so broken inside right now. All of my dreams are gone. They're out there in space somewhere that I can't go. I can't even remember what half of them were. I am just following my husband from place to place trying to keep positive day in and day out for my kids but there is nothing feeding my soul right now. I miss God. I miss my independence. I miss learning new things. I miss seeing and being seen.

So much has happened in such a short span of time. I can't believe I am having a baby in March. I mean, why did I do this to myself. I did do do it to myself. I know perfectly well how to prevent pregnancy. By taking no action, I took a very definitive action.

The countdown begins to my new life in South Carolina. It will be a wing and a prayer to find a house, get kids settled in school, find obstetrical care and get settled before the baby comes. I don't know if I have it in me to do this right now.

The bright spot in my day today: The kids will be home in 15 minutes. David is on day shift and should be home by 5. Dave if off tomorrow, so I should be able to get out of here.

Goals for tomorrow:
shopping
begin organizing for packing
laundry