31 weeks

New Phase!

The General Manager of the store my husband works for at the Columbia location gave my husband about 7 days off in total for the months of October, November and December. This means he could not get time off for Noah's birthday, Olivia's birthday, Thanksgiving, Christmas shopping, or doctor's appointments for my pregnancy. I have 2 toddlers and live in a city that we relocated to for the company. I haven't had a chance to meet anyone, use my membership at the gym, join a church or attend school functions. We only have one vehicle and I have been home bound due to restrictions on managers that require them to have a vehicle present at all times. The district manager knew about the schedule but did nothing to intervene because the location was in dire need of my husband's management skill. He was salaried at x amount of hours but was working at least 20 hours overs that each week. 

Things started sliding out of control-- and we desperately needed change. One thing that our separation did for us was teach us to spot the warning signs of family crisis. So when stuff started sliding we had a discussion and decided that we better rethink a few things and that's when we realized that we would never have a normal life as long as he was managing restaurants. We hatched a plan to start a business of our own and so here we are! Of course, his district manager had to remind him that he was on track to make a salary of 100k by the time I deliver at the end of march but still, she could never give us back holidays or birthdays and managers have to work all of them except Christmas Day. They also have to work nights and weekends or whenever they are needed. We just couldn't justify trading family for money in the end. So, we said, screw it and we are heading to live near his dad and do subcontracting for the blind and window treatment industry. After tracking accounts for the last few months we estimate that we would have made about $2000 more income than we do now  and he would have been home every night and weekend. There is just no reason not to do it. 

Well except for the fact that it's a 9 hour move and I am 31 weeks pregnant. I am nervous but excited and so hoping that this will lead to a healthier marriage and family for our children. We're putting our faith in God and good old fashioned hard work. 

We'll be moving out of Tennessee in 2 weeks and heading for South Carolina. I don't know what lies ahead but I know it'll be better than what lies behind. I would trade everything I own for time with my husband. Oh and another wonderful benefit is that I will have time to work on my novel again. He'll be home to help with the kids and I may even take most Saturdays as my own personal work day unless we have an outing planned. 

I'm hopeful and optimistic, emotional and terrified but mostly I am relieved that the burden of raising 5 kids will now be shared instead of on my shoulders alone as it has been for the last couple years. I'm blessed to live in this country where new beginnings are just around the corner if you are brave enough to take the first step. 

Tick Tock

I will be 30 weeks pregnant come next Thursday. I am going into "I'm not gonna make it" phase of pregnancy.

Two nights ago my hips started doing that freaky thing that makes it feel as though you have been horseback riding in your sleep. I literally feel as though my pelvis is coming apart at the joints. I slept with a pillow between my knees last night and it seems to have helped. Of course, sometime after the 6th trip to the bathroom it ended up in the floor. I woke up and realized it was gone, where it was, sighed and bunched up the quilt instead. It was not nearly as comfortable, but I was sweating  anyhow and the quilt was dangerously close to joining the pillow on the carpet below. I was just happy to find a temporary sort of comfort that could possibly help ease me back to sleep when I heard the dreaded noise that is familiar to back roads and wooded hills across the state of Tennessee.

It started as a chorus of high-pitched yelps in the distance that were soon joined by the neighboring dogs as they drew closer. I fought the urge to go to the window and peer into the moonlight on account of the annoying repositioning that would follow when I returned to my bed. Besides, did I really need to see a coyote in the flesh when the Road Runner cartoons did such a wonderful job of illustrating the ugly creatures? Nah. My bed was far too comfy and my bladder was behaving right then. A pregnant woman has to appreciate the simple things in life.

So, while I was laying awake listening to the coyotes holler pitifully outside my window and feeling every tick of the clock, as if time itself was robbing me of tomorrow's sanity that only sleep could bring, I began to think. Thoughts were strung together by thin pieces of consciousness not unlike Christmas lights on the wire that blends into the green of the tree needles. The thoughts came forward to be noticed, an emotion attached itself to the thought and then it twinkled out and was replaced with another equally fleeting musing.

My pregnancies often bring about sleepless nights for me. I love my children and being a mother but I am not a woman who enjoys pregnancy. In fact, I would prefer that a stork bring the baby or perhaps I find a nice cabbage patch to adopt one from. I can say with all truthfulness that all of my pregnancies have had their fair share of difficulty to deal with but this one has been quite the challenge. First, there was the insurance nightmare and now there is a move to deal with and finding another doctor when I get there as well as a hospital to deliver at.

I think it's gonna be a long time before I get a good night's sleep. *sigh*

The Night Before I See You

Sweet Baby Walsh,

     I am so nervous about my appointment tomorrow. I will finally get to see your little face, body, hands and feet. I will see your heart beat and the shape of your head. I hope everything is formed and working properly. I know there is no guarantee, but I want only the best for you.

    My heart is heavy because I fear that my delay in seeking prenatal care conveys the message that I don't care about you. I can promise you that is not the case, at all. Things happened that made the simplest things in life super complicated and time passes too quickly even when you wish it would just stop for a few months. We had so much working against us but there is one very important thing working for us: God's love.

     You see, God has had his hand in this from the very begininng and he knew what he was doing when he chose you for us. He wanted us to have you and care for you and we promise to do that no matter what stands in our way. I love you, little baby, and I know Daddy does too because he rubs my belly at some point during almost every single day and gets this goofy grin on his face.

     So, as I walk into the doctor, I will do it with a smile on my face and I won't be afraid of the stares and whispers that may come because my tummy is huge and this is our first appointment. I'm proud to be your mommy and we're gonna be just fine.

Love,
Mommy

Smile, I Say

For those who grieve tonight: The friends I hold dear and the families of the victims in Tuscon. It's my hope that eventually all those in pain can move past their grief and remember the joy in living and the lives of those they have lost without regret and sadness.

Smile, I say

Smile, I say, be glad you live,
Be glad you have so much to give.
Be glad you're young, Be glad you're well,
Be glad you still have stories to tell.

Smile, I say, and look around,
There are still many treasures to be found.
Search for happiness, search for gold,
Search for someone to have and to hold.

Smile, I say, and raise your head,
Do not dwell upon the dead.
Do not sob, do not cry,
Everything living has to die.

~Heather Walsh, May, 1993

Tennessee Snowstorm

The snow that the children had eagerly awaited all weekend didn't begin until after 10:30 Sunday night, January 9, 201l. By that time everyone was sound asleep, including me. I happened to awaken from my nap on the couch at 11:45 to see that we already had this amount of accumulation. I was so excited I didn't fall back to sleep until 1a.m. Snow is exciting for adults too!

Clara, 2, and Olivia, 11, were so excited to get out in the fresh, white powder that I couldn't argue even though they had to wear socks on their hands. Clara wore 2 pairs of pants for extra warmth and 3 shirts plus her little purple jacket. Her nice coat had been left in the van because car seats don't secure properly with bulky clothing underneath. We had forgotten to bring it in after shopping. She was still warm when she came in though, except her poor little hands. I wish I could keep better track of mittens. Bad mommy!

This is one of my favorite snow pictures. It was taken the morning of January 10th. The horses belong to our neighbor Ray LeDeux. He is a wonderful Korean War veteran who is very kind to us all. He provided us with fresh veggies in the summer, venison in the fall, and even gave all the children wonderful Christmas gifts. I am going to make a calendar of all of the horse pictures I have on Snapfish and give it to him before we leave for South Carolina.

This is our driveway, you can kind of see it beside the trees. The truck belongs to our neighbors. There was no point in trying to make it up the hill. There is also a bridge to cross over down in that mess.

The beautiful Tennessee countryside.

My gorgeous daughters!

It takes nerve to lay down in the cold snow and make a snow angel. Olivia has never been short on nerve :)

I wrecked the Chicken!

I watch entirely too much food network and cooking channel. I admit that I love all things having to do with food and I especially enjoy trying to make new things. I am experimenting with different methods, fresh herbs and combinations just about every day that I feel up to it. Last night, I made lemon chicken. Or maybe we should call it Pucker-up chicken. It should have been delicious in theory, but somewhere along the way it went very wrong. We ate it but I think it was just because it smelled so good while cooking and looked amazing.

Heather's Very Bad Recipe for Lemon Chicken

First, preheat the oven to 200 degrees. This is to keep the chicken warm and happy while it's waiting to be thrown into the Sauce of Doom.

Next, waste about an hour prepping your meat, mincing your garlic and onions, zesting and slicing the lemon, and roughly chopping the fresh parsley. While you are doing this, you must dirty 2 knives, 2 cutting boards, your grater, your meat mallet, a dish for the chicken, and small dishes for your ingredients. This makes it look like you are a professional chef who knows what they are doing. The array of dishes looks really cool on your counter with all the ingredients in them.

Make sure you take the time to remove any fat and large veins from your chicken breasts. Then pound them thinly on both sides, salt and pepper and dredge in all purpose flour. brown them carefully on both sides in a little oil in a good sized skillet. I prefer stainless steel for this step because I actually like them to get good and golden and leave little bits behind in the pan. This would usually help make the sauce extra tasty. My chicken looked and smelled fabulous at this point. I was being so careful to keep my temperature from getting to hot and I could tell the chicken pieces were going to be so tender and yummy. My mouth was watering. My family complimented me on the delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. I was rocking the whole cooking thing. Rachel Ray better watch out.

Continue browning the chicken on both sides and removing the pieces to the warm plate in the oven. Don't worry if they aren't cooked all the way. The fabulous sauce will help them finish cooking. When you are all done carefully browning your chicken, remove the pan from the heat to give it time to cool a bit then add in onions and stir well with a wooden spoon to loosen the browned bits, let them cook a minute or two and then add in your garlic. Don't add the garlic too soon or it will burn and ruin your sauce. It's too early to ruin the sauce yet. That step comes later. Patience.

Next add in a bit of white wine and give the pan a really good scraping with your wooden spoon. Inhale the wonderful aroma! Let this reduce and then add about a cup of good quality chicken stock and your parsely. Let this reduce again because you still have that delicious lemon zest and sliced lemons to add in. Those are your secret ingredient and will send this dish from pretty damned yummy straight to gourmet (at least that is the plan). Add in your lemon zest and sliced lemons and wait a few more minutes to add in the chicken. Revel in the beauty of the thickening sauce and wipe the drool from your chin. Pat yourself on the back, it's almost done!

While the chicken gently simmers and takes on the flavor of the sauce while lending it's chickeny goodness to the mixture, take the time to finish up the angel hair pasta and alfredo sauce and sauteed broccoli. Add a pat of butter to your chicken to help the sauce gain more creaminess and body.

Oh and don't forget, a good chef always tastes their dish before they serve it. Slice a tiny piece of chicken and pop it in your mouth and prepare to be...

SURPRISE!

Let the panic set in as you realize that something has gone horribly wrong. The sauce is tangy to the point of almost bitterness. It has richness, it looks wonderful, the smell is intoxicatingly lovely, but there is WAYYYY too much lemon it.

This is the part where you add salt, sugar, pepper, anything to balance it but nothing works. it gets better but never becomes the amazing sauce you thought you were making and since it's late due to your extra effort and attention to detail and because perfection takes time, your family is now gathered around the table, waiting.

So what do you do? You put a smile on your face and serve it as if it's the best thing they will ever taste, then laugh your ass off when they are pucker up and say. "Um...wow, Mom/Dear, this chicken is...different."